my ass hurts...

yesterday i ended up at the hospital after a 5 day migraine. i couldnt take the pain anymore. they gave me two shots in my ass (if i write butt it just sounds wrong... not sure why), one on each side, of muscle relaxers, and gave me a percocet.

im at my wits end with these headaches. i dont even know what to do anymore about them... but hopefully this will be the last of ones this bad for a while. or of any migraine for that matter. god i hate them soo much...

fake fired.... fake job

today i was fake fired from my fake job... sadly it was the highlight of my day.

i still have a headache. i thought it was going away but it slowly got worse again...

this headache feels like death... it hurts so bad.

meegraine migraine....guh

im on my millionth day of a "f"ing headache... is it a migraine... is it a sinus headache... is it a tension headache who knows anymore. nothing is making it go away. it went away for a split second saturday night so i could go out for the first time in forever. but it came right back sunday morning just changing position in my tiny little head. 

the worst thing about not be able to sleep is getting hungry all over again. there is something awful about this kind of hunger. i feel like i haven't eaten in week. 

i wonder if i could go on disability for my meegraines. i loose so much time with these suckers. it makes work really hard when i have a job. i have a friend whose on disability for something like this. i'd rather just not get them at all. 

i never write in here anymore but i rarely go out and about these days. so not much to write about. what's with the weather report this past month rain rain rain... yet not a drop has fallen... so weird. 

im going to regret this entry when im sobered up from my excedrin high. 

rule number one dont do excedrin and write

rule number two dont do excedrin and talk

rule number three excedrin doesnt work

you knew it from the beginning, yet you held on...

feeling jet lagged on the 4th day back. not sure why it took 3 days to feel this way but it started yesterday. i went to sleep at 8pm last night and now im just feeling like sleeping the whole day but i guess i cant.

i cant help feeling like i wish i could just rewind. but a las i can not. do it different. it's bad to live in regret. there is only the future. to bring ones past into the present only complicates things. and living in regret is just not the same as living. so i guess im going to get past this too. i always do. 

today is a big day no time to be sad. no time to be tired. time to move on. time to smile. 

all i want to do is sneak a toe under my blanket under my already made bed, then perhaps a leg and just slip right under and fall into a coma. sleep can solve everything... sleep can be my get away. but when should i wake up, how much is too much sleep. if i slept over 8 hours am i not allowed to sleep some more. 

i didnt want the photo above i wanted it below. i dont know how. ill never know how.

working on this drawing...

i worked on this drawing again. yay im committing to this and im really happy. my left hand has been burning in the center for a couple of days.. im not sure whether to be concerned.. it reminds me of when i was younger and i would fall, land on my hands, scrape them... then they would sting.. any one ? any one?.... 

now im wondering what will be my next drawing clearly i have to do another one. 

why markers are not good for my drawings....

ok so i did another drawing tonight... as well as mess up that one i did of oren. i've been dying to finish it but keep putting it off. there is this pen i like to use to put final touches on drawings and it's gone forever. and i thought to myself hmmm what can i use instead. i dont know? no clearly i dont know...why using a permanent marker came to mind as a good idea, i have no idea. its kinda got this felt tip and it's kinda thin but it's a marker. not a pen! the pen i would have used draws much thinner nicer lines. oh yeah and this pen that's missing in action i can find at an art store or perhaps even staples. yeah! (not to discriminate against those people who use markers. it takes a certain kinda of drawing and a person with a lot of skill to use a marker. plus it's not as delicate as a pen.) it could have been something special. ok enough verbal abuse. 

i realized i dont write in here too often and yet i still dont have anything to write. so i will leave you with the drawing.. that's that. 

the power of ....

hair uses: playing

hiding

cutting

the end