you knew it from the beginning, yet you held on...

feeling jet lagged on the 4th day back. not sure why it took 3 days to feel this way but it started yesterday. i went to sleep at 8pm last night and now im just feeling like sleeping the whole day but i guess i cant.

i cant help feeling like i wish i could just rewind. but a las i can not. do it different. it's bad to live in regret. there is only the future. to bring ones past into the present only complicates things. and living in regret is just not the same as living. so i guess im going to get past this too. i always do. 

today is a big day no time to be sad. no time to be tired. time to move on. time to smile. 

all i want to do is sneak a toe under my blanket under my already made bed, then perhaps a leg and just slip right under and fall into a coma. sleep can solve everything... sleep can be my get away. but when should i wake up, how much is too much sleep. if i slept over 8 hours am i not allowed to sleep some more. 

i didnt want the photo above i wanted it below. i dont know how. ill never know how.

working on this drawing...

i worked on this drawing again. yay im committing to this and im really happy. my left hand has been burning in the center for a couple of days.. im not sure whether to be concerned.. it reminds me of when i was younger and i would fall, land on my hands, scrape them... then they would sting.. any one ? any one?.... 

now im wondering what will be my next drawing clearly i have to do another one. 

why markers are not good for my drawings....

ok so i did another drawing tonight... as well as mess up that one i did of oren. i've been dying to finish it but keep putting it off. there is this pen i like to use to put final touches on drawings and it's gone forever. and i thought to myself hmmm what can i use instead. i dont know? no clearly i dont know...why using a permanent marker came to mind as a good idea, i have no idea. its kinda got this felt tip and it's kinda thin but it's a marker. not a pen! the pen i would have used draws much thinner nicer lines. oh yeah and this pen that's missing in action i can find at an art store or perhaps even staples. yeah! (not to discriminate against those people who use markers. it takes a certain kinda of drawing and a person with a lot of skill to use a marker. plus it's not as delicate as a pen.) it could have been something special. ok enough verbal abuse. 

i realized i dont write in here too often and yet i still dont have anything to write. so i will leave you with the drawing.. that's that. 

the power of ....

hair uses: playing

hiding

cutting

the end

i dont like when people insinuate...

last night i was sitting at my computer bored taking photos talking online doing a bunch nonsense.. when i stopped to upload my photos i placed my lap top on my lap to open iphoto and i realized my power cord was super hot. i had just plugged it in maybe 5 mins prior so i thought it was odd.. it was really really hot so i decided maybe it was best to unplug it since it seemed to be over heating. i went to take it out and the cord melted and broke right off, with the magnetic tip still plugged in. i had to remove the tip still and it was burning hot with stringy things coming out of it.. im thinking this isnt safe.. this could catch fire, what the hell... so after this i was thinking was this my computer or the cord. so i made an appointment today to go to the mac store to get it checked out... 

the guy at the mac store takes one look at it and says at this point you need to buy a new power cord.. dah i knew that... and then he says he doesnt think it burned, it would be brown. i tell him the whole story and say why would i make this up. he tells me he doesnt think it will be covered and he doesnt think it over heated but he will bring it in the back and get a second opinion. i even show him how it looks melted...he comes back and tells me his manager doesnt think it was burned either but they will replace the cord anyway... i dont like that he insinuated that i was lying or something. i mean whateves there was clearly no way i was paying for something i didnt do? and they did replace it but ... ok it doesnt matter case closed..

my ex beau just imed me and asked me how it went and i told him how they didnt believe me and they gave me a new one anyway and he asked if i flashed them my boobies.. ha.. that's funny.  i replied yes of course that's how things get done...

last night before this stupid power cord thing i was on the grizzly bear blog. it's this band i adore and i found some good music on there. they always post good stuff.  http://grizzly-bear.net/blog/ .... not sure if that link is clickable i cant figure out how to copy words into this thing for some reason. i like this deerhunter song they have one on there it's called fluorescent grey. 

speaking of grey i want to paint my room grey. all this not working is proving to be boring and not very productive i've been on some awesome interviews that apparently meant nothing.. which sucks. 

fun times all around...

this morning i woke up at oren's ... or perhaps i cant say woke up seeing how i didnt fall asleep till it was almost time to wake up. his sublet is this amazing apartment with all these windows with natural light... but this girl has these sheer white curtains that dont really keep any of the light out, which is fine but when you havent slept it doesnt help the cause. but in any event i couldnt sleep late i had things to do like get my a drawing desk that my friend said i could have. and go to breakfast with oren before heading home and back into the city for an interview. then plans with jason face.

we went to egg again this time i got something really good. somehow i talked oren into splitting something with me. im really into splitting food.. he got an omelet that was amazing and i got french toast that wasnt bad either, im sold. im all about second chances...

i have kind of an awkward body.... i have to stop taking pictures of myself when oren gets ready...i just get slightly bored...

i drove home and there was soo much traffic although in this photo there was none... weird. took me way longer then normal...

headed back into the city for an interview id rather not talk about and then met up with jason at rockefeller center... then we walked to the west village and ate some french food... on the way there we saw all these restaurants that looked really good like this one here... thaiselect it doesnt look like much in this photo but it looked really cool in the flesh... me and jason are walking and i see all these roses in the store window fronts and im like what's with all these roses, their everywhere... and i laugh as i realize it's almost valentines day... not a holiday i really think about much.. hopefully i will be married with 10 kids by valentines day...oh and have a huge diamond ring because that's real happiness... kids marriage diamonds... hello...

so me and jasin... went to this french restaurant and i talked him into doing a share with the food.. like i said i like that... half of this/ half of that... mmmm.... he got this amazing salmon sandwich that i love there and i got this chicken dish that was pretty darn good as well. followed up by chocolate cake. i dont do well with telling myself no more dairy. esp since oren's omelet that he nicely shared with me this morning had cheese in it... mmm mmm cheese... 

i swear this place looked like good eats...

i had to take the photo... jason loves dairy!

on my way home trying not to fall asleep... i had like no sleep last night.

looking for something in my bag, i emptied it all over my bed amongst other junk that was there when i got home for oren's earlier... i soo didnt want to clear off my bed...eek

this freaking drawing is really hard.....

mmmm chocolate cake and walking around .....

say goodbye to chocolate

im sitting here for the 3rd week in a row eating a twix bar thinking maybe this should be my last for a bit... luckily something was wrong with this twix bar so it made it easier to say good bye at least for tonight... i was just talking to a friend about skin care and she was saying something about dairy being bad. which i thought was funny because my friend jason doesnt do dairy. he's told me that he feels like he can breath now because his sinuses are really clear and his skin is really clear. it is i would eat cheese off it.

im lactose intolerant so it would be awesome to cut milk products from my diet, i would probably feel a lot better... but i mean giving up cheese.... omg i dont think i can do it... everything taste better with cheese even your mom...  how do vegans do it. i want to be a vegan. vegans are hot, they have that whole malnutrition look going for them. or people who only eat raw food. those people look amazing and age beautifully. maybe if i eat a twix bar and dont cook it i will come close to looking like them... oh wait im giving up chocolate .... and im already pretty skinny naturally so i suppose if i gave up meat and dairy it might get scary... hmm... or rather i might get scary looking...

i was just asked what i do when im up this late besides prowl the internet... perhaps i should do something more productive then write this blog at this very moment... and watching this model show on bravo. they look like they are having soo much fun. makes the rest of us wish we could do that too .... ok maybe i cant speak for everyone but it looks like fun. wearing pretty clothing and having your hair did... wow i totally missed the beginning of this show they posed naked for an art class haha... that's funny. i need to see this from the beginning. dammit some other bad show is on instead.... sometimes i can catch the beginning after the show is over  because they play it back to back... it's nice it's like watching it backwards.